In my essay, I explain events during my time at high school that were the cause of uncomfortable feelings in my life. They were not the cause of stress or sadness, but were the cause of thoughts that I could have avoided.
Cause – I wish I had not kicked over the tins of paint
When I was 13 years old, I kicked over two tins of paint that were open in the hall. They spilled out on the floor. Nobody knew I did it. I think the decorators in the hall got the blame. The floor was eventually cleaned and polished.
Effect – it made me paranoid
For the longest time I was sure that the school knew I did it. I spent a lot of time trying to interpret things that were not really happening. When a teacher chose me to read from books, I thought they were testing me to see if I would crumble under pressure. When they spoke about the floor in assembly, I believed they knew it was I and were trying to force a confession.
Cause – I wish I hadn’t been rude to that girl
On the field, I was approached by a pretty young girl that was in the year below mine. She seemed to know me, but I was so surprised that I wasn’t very polite.
Effect – I used to kick myself for it
I wasn’t very good at attracting women in high school. I honestly believe that because I never had a father’s influence I had never learnt the true nature of male-female relationships and therefore couldn’t attract a woman. I learnt in college that my current ideas around male-female relations were wrong. I often kicked myself for not being nicer to the girl, and I used to wonder how it would have been if I had been nicer to her.
Cause – I told my teacher I didn’t believe in God
Growing ever more disillusioned by the idea that a god would send me to heaven but not my friends (how could it be heaven whilst knowing my friends were burning in hell), I told my teacher I didn’t believe in God anymore. She hollered at me and asked me why I was so keen to go to hell.
Effect – I resisted the idea of religion even harder
If I had not mentioned anything to the teacher, I would have come to my own conclusion that organized religion is bolony, but that I cannot rule out the possibility of a creator because as a human I can never be intelligent enough to comprehend the universe or how it works. Instead, I spent years rebelling against religious and religion in a childish attempt to prove religious people wrong–when in fact it is impossible for me to rule out a creator in a universe where infinity exists.
It is a shame that the causes created such an effect, and it is a pity I had to undergo them. What is more worrying is that there are things that have happened in my life that I have still not overcome, and what is more worrying is that I may still be suffering the effects of something that happened years ago and there is little way of knowing if those effects are as damaging as the ones detailed in my essay.